What do you get when you cross spilt milk and spilt blood? That scene from Three Kings where the dude shoots up the speeding truck and all the milk goes everywhere and everyone is like “pssshhwaaa, oh no, what a waste”. It is the desert after all, and water plus calcium is more valuable than all Saddam’s gold bullion even if they are in Gucci bags.
Seriously though, there was a
shooting right next door to the 3 of Clubs where my roommate goes a lot. I went there once on a Wednesday which is supposed to be indie night or something (indie chicks!) but the music was totally undanceable. After all, there is no point in getting loose if you can’t do some bumpin’, yo. Am I right?
So I went on a Saturday night which I hear is the night for that. There I was getting my groove on and a little while later this chick took my hand and led me off the dance floor! Then all of a sudden some tough guy popped out of the shadows and said, "want to take this outside?" Being sloshed and all, I naturally said, "I have no idea what your talking about!" That’s when he whacked my glasses off. Not cool, dude. So I calculated: I can either end up getting stabbed or something, or grab my glasses before they get stomped. I’ve already lost my glasses twice (that aint cheap) – once while sailing and once while crowd surfing at a Metallica concert (lost my shoes too... stupid, stupid, stupid). Anyway, I did the right thing and got my eyes back. When I returned the dude had disappeared as quickly as he had popped up. I was pissed.
And now this:
"One man died and another was wounded Sunday in what investigators think was a gang-related shooting at a Hollywood gas station. Three men in their 20s sat in a car at the Mobil station at Santa Monica Boulevard and Vine Street when an alleged gang member walked up and shot several times into the vehicle, hitting two of the occupants, police said. After the gunman fled on foot, the man in the car who was not wounded drove the other two to a hospital for treatment, police said. One of the two men later died of his wounds, police said. His name was not released pending notification of family members. Police said the other victim was shot in the arm and was expected to recover."I’m sticking to Fridays. 80’s night is to gangstas as garlic is to vampires. Besides, 80’s night is to white boys as milk is to
cats. And speaking of milk:
"A freeway offramp was closed for several hours Sunday after a tanker truck spilled thousands of gallons of milk onto the roadway. The truck overturned about 6:20 a.m. on the 60 Freeway near Industry. No injuries were reported. As much as 6,000 gallons of milk may have spilled across the road and down a storm drain, police said. Caltrans crews closed an offramp to clean up the mess. The offramp was later reopened sometime before 2 p.m. The crash occurred in a construction zone, where lanes are restricted as the freeway is being widened for a carpool lane."Somewhere I was planning on pointing out how funny it is that the milk story is more interesting than the shooting. LA is ridiculous.
Come on, man. This is supposed to be a sneak peak? I want to see some damn aliens. Don't you realize the world loves you because you gave us Aliens? I forgave you for Titanic and let you waste your talent toying around with squids and shit for a decade, but if you try toying around with my emotions one more time I swear I'm going to see your movie only once when it comes out. Or twice, but that's it.
